Love, life and kinda love-life.

Dear blog

For as long as I keep pretending that I have moved on, I have everyone believe me. And when I see myself from the eyes people see me with, I find myself really onto another path. Perhaps in just another life time! And it almost soothes me to the core that I can continue to put my brave expressions on. And there's not just one cherry on this cake walk-types life of mine. One, I can spill the beans whenever I want to and spill them in front of anyone I like! Two, I'll have them sympathize with me so lovingly. 'Coz they know that it's love I'm in love with! However, here comes the not so cake walk-types part. I haven't really liked cherries! I wish someone could come and tell me that everything is indeed fair in love and war. And cajole me that whatever it is, it can be really called either love or war or something acceptably closer to the two. And that I can be wild and bad and wrong while I go on a war to win my love!

And why am I virtually spilling the beans NOW?! Out of thin air? Just like that? Honestly, its coz I struck a conversation with someone I never thought I would connect to. Not for something as personal and as unapparent as that! While I was living up to the expectations I thought I have dropped long back, I had forgotten to keep one part of mine alive. The part which can love. Like a lover. And undoubtedly, that part wasn't as dead as I had assumed it to be. It was simply having a nice little nap until someone comes to wake it up. Wakes ME up to live completely. With all my parts REALLY wide awake.

This time, I wasn't going to be judged while I shared my story. And since I wasn't talking to those with whom I have already talked before, so naturally I was in a position to expect something different from the one who was listening. And it was really different. While I was supposedly calming that someone down (not that he was in a hyper state in real terms!), somehow, we started sharing the pain. I wasn't just listening to the person sitting across, I was speaking too. Speaking about the life I claimed I have moved on from. And it was a natural reaction to feel better. To know that there really was someone else too who was bearing it all. Since the beginning.

It all sounds creepy. This mysterious past I am referring to. But for one more time, I feel like putting it on record, that it is the very same thing it's appearing to be. To put it in broader and safer words, I can put it all under the title of - Love, life and kinda love-life! The status of 'singly committed' and the phase of 'committed-ly single'! It all makes no sense. Not to anyone who hasn't celebrated the pain and the glory of being one of those lovers who never come to light. Though their hopeful candles of a happy ending never extinguish even while they themselves remain in the dark. And the thing is that it isn't really what we call a complicated love life.

When I come to think of it, all I need to do is walk down and confess. Yes! It's that simple. However, that's not what the hero's and heroines of blockbuster movies do. For instance, the one in Titanic died loving. And only then, the love-story became such an unbelievably believable epic. Of course, I am not saying that I am a heroine by any chance. Or that I am dying loving right now. All I am saying is that, this is surely a tale. Larger than life. Waiting to be told. Though getting better with each passing moment. Just like our grape-wine! Even if it never gets the privilege of an audience, it'll always be flushing in all its glory. It'll keep tasting better (if anyone ever cares to taste it!). It may not be the best love-story ever. It may not really be a love-story either! But it's definitely love and it's definitely a story.

There are no traces of tears. Not even one. Despite the fact that some lyrics of some of those brutally romantic songs bring it all back. This time, out of thin air. And really make me feel like walking down to the person and confess it all. Seems like it'll take many more lives to do it all. Coz I am not in a hurry. Coz the wine will only get better. Coz someone just told me where there is love, there is life. And I can lovingly afford a life to love.

P.S. And it was always more about love than a love-life!

Fight on, Move on and hence Live on.

(: Life's Calling :)

Dear blog

It took me good amount of time and life to finally say now, that I have come a long way. Never mind the remaining journey. Still. This time around, I have had this urge to go gaga about the night talks! About the night skies. The night minutes (Almost free ones!). The night chats. The whispering night hours. The beautiful nights. And hence a dream world minus the sleep :)

Gone are those days (not with the wind, though!) when the lights were switched off at 10 & all one could do was to become a passive audience of the heart-mind talks! So many clashes to witness and there one goes. Off to sleep. Within a click of the tongue. But who knew those days carried a 'bright' future. Literally. And of course, metaphorically. Thanks to 'the little things' someone does for the remaining someones, the talks in the nights are nothing less than glorious. So many promises made to compensate for the broken ones. So many commitments (ranging from "Dude, get your notes tomorrow" to "Of course, I love you!" and the infamous conferences!) and yet so many more hearts broken the next night. But nothing seems to hamper the spirit of the night talks. And why only just talks? Those amazing moments when you feel (really feel!) your phone vibrating under the pillow and your happiness knows no boundaries. Ghosh! *One new test message* The sight is an elixir. Perhaps a little more. Quite often, the happiness dashes back to ground because its just another 'forwarded' message and that too NOT from the person you are dying to hear from! But. In case, its THE one for whom you've been waiting madly, then happiness simply gets redefined & intensified & exaggerated and you might just burst out with sheer joy.

Well, that was a generalized account. Let me dig a little deeper and that too in my own personal space. I have got some really special night friends! I dont know how much I love them. And as it is, there's nothing like 'how much' while someone is loving someone. And same way, I can never relate 'how much' while someone is loving someone back. But yes, we love each other enough to share those supposedly sleepy moments of nights and hence celebrate them. I'm totally smitten by the wonderful things we say and do and then come down to discussing them. Even if there's an exchange of looks at some awkward moment of the day, expect a national discussion in the night!

If I go on and on about the mid night talks, then the invention of the loveliest nick names, the discovery of some great pick-up lines, the discussion of some 'original' crushes, the conflicts and the most bizarre confessions can't be missed! Emotional quotient is on its soaring high during nights. Sometimes, it gets as bad that I feel like going out in the kitchen to grab a knife (almost something like that!) and at times, I feel that my sweetest forever is right in front of me!

Its troublesome to get up in the morning after those long night talks. But its more troublesome intolerable to do away without those talks. Intoxicating talks, they are! And surely, lifeless nights, I have whenever I have to close my eyes on those sad nights when I don't get to feel a single vibration under my pillow! But the best part is that, I can afford to invest/ waste some part of my night life into this talking world. Because I had never been to this world before. And I can never be in this world ever again, if I let it go this time. And that, there's plenty of time to 'really' sleep when I wont have anything else to do. Later. After all, a 'missed call' is indeed a call missed! And it's not just a plain phone call. It's life calling. So, I'm making most of this time. And how?! Happily, ever after. Of course :)

P.S. Life has never stopped being fantastic ever since.

Fight on, Move on and hence, Live on...